| Here I am with the blessed job of being a teacher. Yes, yes it is much more than job. I walk in every morning setting the tone of the classroom for the day. I have so much power being a teacher. I decide how much light gets in and how much air flows through. I decide whether or not Charlie and Vince get to have their lollipops before or after nutrition. I get to decide of Joe comes to SSR period. And, I choose to punish or reward all the time. I love my students. I really do. They're so loveable- - even the ones I send up to see the Vice principal. I love them. Their curly hair and cute faces. I almost made a kid cry today, threatening to send him up for an office referral. His face got read and his voice cracked. He pleaded for grace. And, I suckered in, gave him grace and fed up with the kid 'til the end of the period. Man, I love my job. I talked to this one guy today. He's supposedly on a real bad track with a record only to hurt the rest of his academic life. Today I looked at my gradebook and gave every Failing student a slip to come see me during SSR (the sustained reading period where most students fall asleep). I talked to this one guy for the second time about doing extra credit to raise his 58.7 percent. He looked me in the eye and asked, "Can't I just flunk?" Immediately I pulled him out and tried real fast to think of a way to find out why this kid wants to fail my class (the sucker teacher, the one that won't fail anyone if they tried). So, I started asking him if anything was going on at home and if he was doin' alright. I asked if he cared about school. He replied No with a scoff. And, then I asked him what he cared about. And, he said nothing. Nothing. Nothing. That's right. Then, I asked if he cared about family. And, he said No. I asked him why? He said that everyone hated him. I thought to myself that he was joking. But, it turns out that he could list to me names of family members who told him that they hated him. And, I asked about mom and dad. And, he mumbled something about them saying that they regretted he was born. That sucks. This is but one account I receive in one day's teaching. It's incredible. I pray that I will continue to mourn with these children who mourn. I hate school sometimes. I hate how you have to push the kids and drill them on something as meaningless as figurative language when all they want is to have some down time to work things out in their heads. Sometimes I feel like I'm turning them into machines. But, I'm learning each day to become a better teacher. I hope that I can love my students genuinely and that I will be willing to lay my life down for them as I smile at them and give them high fives. Jesus, love these kids when I don't. |
